


What We Were

by DaisytheDoodleDog



Series: Destiel Collection [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, BIG OOF, CAS IS NOT A PUNCHING BAG, Destiel - Freeform, Help, M/M, Season/Series 15 Spoilers, Ships sinking faster than the titanic but I still have hope, and a side of angst, belphegor being the sunshine he is, fight, my take on what could happen, season 15 is killing me, sorry for this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-03 09:14:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21176981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaisytheDoodleDog/pseuds/DaisytheDoodleDog
Summary: Cas couldn't believe what he was hearing.He gave everything for a man he had barely known, oh so many years ago. His soul had been the most beautiful thing Cas had laid eyes on. And the worst part? It still was.Takes place at the end of episode 15X2. No spoilers from 15X3. Destiel with a slight side of angst.





	What We Were

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe what's happening right now... so here is my take on what could ave happened what might happen in the future. Who knows anymore, any chance of a happy future for me or spn is gone so here is some angst. Enjoy! 
> 
> Reviews greatly appreciated!!!!
> 
> Also, I will post some fluffy cuteness to hep us cope with how quickly our lives are ending.

Cas couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Yes, but-”

“Good.” He spat the words through clenched jaw and brushed past him with rigid shoulders. Cas glared at him and dared to look back at Jack- the demon wearing Jack’s corpse. Cas growled and climbed into the car, slamming the door shut behind him, hard enough to make Dean grunt. He always hated it when someone slammed his baby’s doors, but Cas almost smiled just to spite him. Cas folded his arms and closed his eyes trying so damn hard not to let a tear escape. He was just so tired.

It was moments like these he wished he could’ve flown away. 

The drive back to the bunker was long and silent, the radio staticy and scarcely playing, Sam and Dean silent in the front and the demon in the back humming to himself. Cas wanted to scream. Of course he didn’t though. He was trying desperately to sleep. To slip away. 

“Dean?” Sam finally spoke up, but the sound of his name, the most beautiful sound in the world turned rotten to Cas’s ears. He had tried to kill him. Dean didn’t so much as bat an eye when he held Cas’s son at gunpoint. His son. Cas never really had a family until the Winchesters and Jack. He felt like he had lost all of them.

“What?” Dean snapped. He was overwhelmingly exhausted and hungry, so Sam let it slide. He sent his older brother a sympathetic smile and sighed.

“Knock knock.” The inhaling breath that Dean shakily took in, paused. He rolled his eyes and glanced at Cas in the mirror. 

“Who’s there?”

“Lettuce” Dean scoffed and relaxed his grip on the steering wheel. 

“lettuce who?”

“Lettuce in and you'll find out!” Dean couldn’t hide the little smile that curled on his lips. He glanced back to see if Cas was smiling back, but he found the angel’s head pressed against the cool glass, his eyes closed and hands in his lap. Part of him wanted Cas to be freakin’ miserable. But the other part brutally fought against it. 

“Yeah yeah, okay that wasn’t the worst.” Sam smiled at him. “He asleep?” Dean whispered to his brother, pretending not to care about the angel. He wasn’t completely sure if he was pretending for his brother, or himself.

“I… He shouldn’t need to. When we get back to the bunker, you should talk to him Make sure he’s okay.”

“He said he was fine!”

“But what do you mean when you say you’re fine? Dean, Jack meant more to him than he honestly did to us. He had a different relationship with him, and he’s not doing well. You can see it.” Dean growled and refocused on the road. Only another twenty minutes until home. 

…

Of course Dean didn’t check on Cas. How could he? He could barely look at the ex-angel with such rage, and talking to him? He was responsible for Mary. He did this. But as he wandered the bunker long into the depths of the night, what he hated most of all, was when Cas stumbled across him. The bunker was large enough for them to roam without so much as getting a glance at each other's shadow. “What do you want, Cas?”

“I want you to talk to me.”

“Not gonna happen.”

“You still blame me for m-”

“Don’t you DARE day her name! You did this!” For the first time in years, a rage so ravenous to break free, it burst through the cage in Cas’s chest in an explosion his once all powerful angel form would have quaked at. 

“I’m dead to you, still?” He cocked his head in the most innocent yet patronizing way, Dean could only scowl at the angel. Some fucking angel he was.

“Now, and always.” Dean spat, something so venomous it broke Cas’s heart of stone into a million fragments. But it was just the chance for the rage to break free. It was so sudden, it even surprised Cas when he slammed Dean up against the library shelves using every ounce of his grace he still had. 

“DEAD TO YOU?” His voice shattered eardrums, something so powerful, Dean squeezed his eyes shut.

“I gave up everything for you!” Castiel let Dean slump down a little, before slamming Dean up against the wall again. Dean’s heartbeat pounded in his ears as Castiel’s eyes glowered, the bright blue of his grace rimming the iris of his eyes in the most menacing expression. Dean gulped and remembered a similar fight they had had… oh so many years ago. 

Castiel slammed a fist into his face and blood began to ooze from Dean’s nose as a result, but Castiel kept hitting him. And hitting him. And hitting him. 

Dean groaned, trying to pull the angel off him, but Castiel’s grip on his collar was far too strong as he lifted Dean off the ground and threw him into the floor. Spitting blood from his mouth, Dean struggled to stand, but Castiel grabbed him again, and pinned him against the cool brick wall.

“I rebelled for this?” Castiel hissed. “I gave up my family, my faith, everything I had ever known for some human I barely knew. And this is how you repay me? All I ever wanted was a home, Dean Winchester. A family.” Castiel slammed one last brutal punch to the face, blackening Dean’s eyes for a solid two weeks.

“And here you are. I rebelled for you. I gave up everything.” Castiel’s voice got soft, the ringing in Dean’s ears form the power of Castiel’s grace fading. A single tear slipped down Cas’s cheek. It was the first Dean had ever seen him cry.

“Everything… all because you had the brightest soul I had ever seen. And the worst part? You still do.”

Castiel so wished he could just fly away. To disappear for a thousand years and crawl away to some island to study flowers and bees and be on his own. He wanted to fly so bad. But he couldn’t. His wings sat broken on his back. He gave that up for Dean too. 

But he couldn’t fly, so Cas left Dean slumped on the floor, bruised and bloody and so utterly speechless, Castiel felt the slightest glimmer of pride. He marched up the stairs of the bunker… and left. He was done. He was done with the person who he loved more than anything else in the world. His grace pulsed through him like a magnet, searching for Dean’s soul, but Castiel shook off the feeling as he climbed into his truck. For the first time in a long time… Castiel was truly alone.

Castiel started the car and pulled the gear into drive. First order of business: Find Amara. If she was as powerful if not more than god, then surely she could bring Castiel, Angel of the Lord, back to his former glory.

And then, Castiel would do as he was always supposed to do: Protect mankind as a good little soldier, void of any emotions, of any human attributions. 

The name ‘Cas’ was nothing more than an old nickname, deemed by a stranger.

**Author's Note:**

> Until next time,
> 
> -Daisy


End file.
